Library:Ivan Kltakln Guidebook

Library

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Excerpts from The Klk’k guide to one’s interstellar locale 12th ed.,
Ivan Kltakln tr. J. Valthorpe,
catalogued Andolian central distribution, 3263

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In the beginning, all was NULL – or perhaps it was (void*) – we’ll never really know, so we may as well stop worrying about it and get back to obsessing over how we’d rather be fornicating.

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Space: n.

1. That which is between objects of interest.
2. A rather large, dark, and primarily empty expanse where, contrary to
   one’s initial fears, one is exceptionally unlikely to be eaten by a grue.
3. The void in which one must travel if one does not wish to spend one’s
   existence wandering around the underdeveloped worlds of minor
   political entities.

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Rlaan: n.

1. Humanized representation of the name used by the pair of species from
   the 4th planet in system SCx9362.
2. Either of the two species from SCx9362. Rlaan are radialy symmetric
   beings with a base four split. Their workers stand about one meter high
   at the prime knee, and are nearly one meter in diameter. Members of
   their warrior caste tend towards being 50% larger in both dimensions.
   Rlaan natively breathe a methane-based atmosphere, and must wear
   special breathing apparatus to negotiate oxygen-nitrogen environments.
   Their skeletal structure, being an exoskeletal carapace supported
   internally by millions of reinforcing struts, is best suited to lower
   gravity worlds, and leads to the use of mechanical assistance on larger
   or denser rocky bodies. What is reported of Rlaan culture appears to be
   a rather dry affair, and their music has been compared to the set of
   frequencies one would expect to register if a Myztherian Octpanther
   were let loose in a campanile. On a more disturbing note, the Rlaan
   central archives possess the largest collection of data concerning Jerry
   Lewis and Yoko Ono outside of Human space. The Rlaan are,
   however, regarded by many of the other space faring races as much
   more intelligent than their culture’s taste in art would suggest.

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Aera: n.

1. A member of an intelligent centauroid species from some misbegotten
   hell of a jungle world orbiting SCx62381. The Aera are oxygen-
   nitrogen breathers, with a strong internal skeleton, smooth, ashen-gray
   leathery skin, a decided lack of psychiatric assistance for their
   obviously repressed dissatisfaction with natural ecology, and, at least
   according to the Cult of the Devourer on Mishtal Seven, a flavor
   remarkably similar to that of a human with a high protein diet, but only
   if both have been served with a nice Chianti.